Smite - A word describing untold power, instilling terror into the hearts of all who would be the target to it's wrath. The ability to smite is the power to punish the wicked and bring justice to the guilty. The tool of the righteous, used to uphold all that is good and wholesome; and the scourge of the malevolent, to topple the strongholds of the sinful. ...Plus it's a great way to reap some good ol' fashioned vengeance, and give much-needed ass whoopings to all those annoying pricks out there who just don't get it.
It was these possibilities that inspired me to create the Smite Button. I mean, who doesn't want a way get revenge on that certain stupid jerk you absolutely hate...? Especially without getting charged for assault, that is, and still getting all the satisfaction! I knew I did, so I decided to do something about it. Unfortunately, though, the precise whens, wheres, and how of the Smite Button's origin are shrouded in mystery; not unlike the depths of my mind which churned out such a notion. And, contrary to the FAQ here at Smite Button, it was not, infact, in math class that I came up with it. It was in math class that the current envisionment of the Smite Button was created, but that wasn't it's very first appearance. I doubt I'll ever remember the exact moment I truly came up with it.
Anyway, since I can't remember it's original... origins... *cough*, uhh... I'll just tell you about that particular math class not so long ago....
Well, it was last year, 2002, and I was in grade the ninth, semester the second. My math teacher's name was Miss Cook, and she was an evil, life-sucking bitch from hell. (Actually, it might have been outer space, rather than hell; she had a striking ressemblance to E.T..) Well, ok, she wasn't always that bad, considering she had something of a sense of humour and usually let people eat in her class... but... to put it quite simply; she was a psycho. There is no way in hell that anyone could ever convince me her mind was even the least bit stable, or that she had any teaching abilities. Something like half or two thirds of her math students were failing, and I know for a fact the fault didn't lie on the students (in general). Anyways, she didn't directly have all that much to do with the creation of The Smite Button, which is ironic, considering how much I've described her already. But she did have something to do with it.
Near the end of the year, probably May or so, she moved my friend Jermey to the desk next to me. I had sat in the same seat for essentially the entire year, which was in the back corner of the classroom; as far from Cook's desk and the whiteboard as possible. So, obviously, since I was so far away from any form of authority and the teacher was so dumb as to always put someone next to me whom I would talk to a lot (one exception here, but the guy she put beside me was troublesome enough for the both of us), much craziness ensued. Well, I guess not that much, what with the fear of her insanity and all, and my not being a total jackass, but I do vividly remember one incident involving me, Ben, and a game of blackjack. It was going fine for awhile, but then Cook noticed us, confiscated the cards and banished us to the bench in front of the office. Really, I have no idea what the punishment was. We spent the last 40 or so minutes of the class talking much louder than we would have otherwise and not doing any work. Plus we didn't have to listen to that crazy bitch anymore, and we got to talk to people walking by. We didn't even get a single detention! The next day, though, she came up to us and threatened to [kill] us if we even said one word, for any reason whatsoever. "But why shouldn't we talk...?; it was our gambling, not our talking that pissed you off before...." I thought (but obviously didn't say), combining smart with ass. And all this happened something like 2 days after she moved Ben beside me. Obviously, she moved him away quite soon afterwards... and put Jermey beside me. Simply put, Jermey is mishievious. It did not say much for her common sense or judgement.... Of course, nothing she did said much for these traits.
So, (finally back on track), one day, Jermey and I were sitting there, and he pissed me off somehow. I wasn't going to take that crap, so I tried to think of a good way to get him back. It was then that I remembered my idea of the Smite Button, and decided that it would an amusing, albeit not overly effective, way to retaliate. I whipped out a piece of looseleaf and a pencil and sketched like mad. ...Ok, not really; I just wrote "SMITE" with an oval around it; it took all of a whopping 3 seconds. It was quite pathetic, really, but it was the first memorable embodiment of the all-powerful Smite Button. I used it to get Jermey back by placing it on my desk and slamming my fist down upon it, much like a god slamming a smiting bolt of lightning down upon a heathenous infidel far below. ...Except for the fact that nothing happened afterwards. He just mimicked pain to mock me. So I hit him in the shoulder to create the effect. I imagine I said something like "It has a delayed reaction" to him afterwards. (In case you haven't noticed by now, his name is really "Jermey", and not "Jeremy". I didn't mispell it; he did.)
The Smite Button was a success, though, even without it really having physical effects. (No, I'm not dumb enough to believe that a few graphite lines on a piece of ruled paper would actually be able to hurt someone.) The intention of the Smite Button was to improve morale by allowing me to imagine my nemeses (or occasionally annoying friends) being punished, and to have something that could make them "afraid". It worked. My morale was at an all-time high for that class, and Jermey cowered when I'd hover my hand above the Smiting Button of justice. Whenever Miss Cook did something that ticked me off, (which was often), I'd just press the Smite Button and she'd be toast.
Unfortunately, though, I encountered some problems: Jermey had the gall to try to use the Smite Button against me; there was no Smite power control, so I couldn't determine whether I'd smite someone with a twack or a bolt of lightning; and the button didn't even look 3-D! So, during the rest of the period, and the over the next few days, I added to, improved upon, and enthusiastically used, the might o' the Smite. I made the button appear 3-D, added a targetting system, and manners of smiting.
Originally, the manners of smiting weren't really considered manners of smiting. I just called them power settings, or something along those lines, and they were essentially just different levels of inflicted pain. There was "Slap", "Smack", "Hit", "Pummel", and "Lightning's Gonna Fry Your Ass", as can be seen in the Bill Gates Smite target. (There might have been "Twack", too, but I'm thinking no.) I chose these because, with the exception of "Lightning's Gonna Fry Your Ass", I could perform all of them, which was a necessary part of the smiting process. I threw in the Lightning one because I needed something really powerful and something that would seem more godly and smiteful.
Next came the targetting system... or maybe it came first... I'm not really sure; it was several months ago, after all. At the time, the way I chose the target was by tearing a small slit in the page with the Smite Button on it, and then sliding in a little piece of paper with the name of the victim written on it. I know all this sounds pretty immature, but remember, I'm talking about being in math class. I'm always bored out of my skull in math, and things weren't helped by the facts that I'm naturally pretty good at math, and so unchallenging, and that the teacher couldn't tell her elbow from her ass... I mean when it comes to mathematics, anyway... if telling your elbow from your ass was math related, that is. ...Actually, either way would apply to her. Anyway, the point is; I had nothing better to do. (Especially with blackjack no longer an option. I wasn't gonna push her buttons like that again... although I did push my own, gloriously smiteful button.)
After that, nothing really happened towards the evolution of the Smite Button. It remained the same for a few months, until, around the beginning of summer vacation, I was talking the great Ali. (Obviously, you all know who she is; if you don't, bow your head in shame, and then go Smite either Anna or Kyle as representation of your own pitiful self. If you thought I was referring to the boxer, then please replace "bow your head in shame" with "pull your head out of your ass", and then smite the appropriate effigy). So she told me about how she was fed up about hotmail, and how it wouldn't display parts of her email messages that it should have been. We talked about ways that we could get back at Hotmail, and eventually I remembered the Smite Button. We decided it would be the perfect way to get revenge on Bill Gates' evil creation. I got to work making a good version of the Smite Button in Photoshop. It turned out to be more of a "Smite Console" rather than just a button. Although it included the Smite Button (which Ali very kindly designed for me, seeing as how she's much better than I at making graphics, 3-Dish ones especially.), it had more. It had a dial for the power settings, including "Twack", "Slap", "Smack", "Hit", "Whallopping", "Pummeling", and "Lightning's Gonna Fry Your Ass". It also had a place to indicate your target, with, very appropriately, a red target beside it (same as, or at least very similar to, the one which can be seen here at The Smite Button).
Hotmail got what it deserved with this new Smite Button, as did several other things that had punishment coming. But I wasn't done with the Smite Button yet, no. I thought of yet another power setting: Rain of Fire. That got me thinking. Considering that I was already using lightning, and now a rain of fire, and that you often relate smiting to godly powers, I got onto a train of thought. After "Rain of Fire" came "Plague of Locusts", and after that came "Apocalypse" (only to be used in the most dire of situations). Ali and I decided though that 10 power settings was enough, and that we had covered the entire range of power levels. I finished up the Smite Button, and it was all ready to do... whatever it is that it would do. It had even less phiysical effect than the original Smite Button, considering that it itself had no physical form, and I had no desire to slam my fist into the computer monitor to use it, what with all the hurting and the broken glass and the electrocution and the ow, ow, it hurts me.
I was most pleased with the Smite Button's new form, but was totally unaware to what was instore for it next. The next day, Ali told me to go to "smitebutton.tripod.com". I was amazed; my mighty Smite Button, champion of the un-bad, had become a website!!! (Or at least the topic of one; it wasn't really the actual website; that's just silly.) To be perfectly honest, To be perfectly honest, though, I actually felt a little disappointed that she had gone over my head and used my precious creation without my permission... but it passed almost instantly. I was in fact extremely proud/happy that something had been done with the Smite Button so that it could be enjoyed by everyone, and that Ali had come up with such a clever website. I sincerely doubt that I would have ever come up with such a method of displaying it. Really, I was enthralled from the start, just not as much so at the very beginning, due to the over-the-head-ness.
It was so incredible being able to see that varmint Bill Gates be smoten before my eyes at all the various power levels, (henceforth to be known as manners of smiting). (In case you weren't aware, Bill was the first target, and the only one to be featured when the site was initially created.) I was also muchly impressed by the fact that the whole site, including all ten Bill graphics, had been made overnight! Seriously! Personally, I'm a really slow drawer, (and I'm slow at many other creative-ish things) so there's no way that I could have done that much, that fast.
Unfortunately, things were pretty slow at first. Very few hits, that is. And many of the hits that we had were probably from Ali, when she'd update and such, and me and Sandy, when we'd check for those updates. But, as you can see from our counter, things have picked up. *Maniacal laughter ensues*. Linking to affiliates and such has been very helpful.
Anyways, soon came Mr. Dubya to the site, and then Anna and Kyle. I was taken ever so slightly off guard when George's smitings didn't follow the same original manners of smiting that Bill's followed. It's really a good thing they didn't though, since that would have gotten boring without all the variety. I don't think there's really too much to say after that. I made the Pikachu targets, (and had much fun in the process, I must add!) and then there weren't any new targets for a while. Harry Potter and Osama Bin Laden showed up, and the legacy of smiting shall continue. (Hopefully with very few lawsuits from disgruntled targets.) Sadly, though, the original Smite Button created in math class has been lost, possibly never to be found again. I'm really quite ashamed of this fact. Hopefully, though, the Smite Button website will last forever, allowing the evildoers of all the ages to be smoten. Now stop reading this pointless essay and go smite something… you know you want to!